:: laughing : dreaming : watching : waiting ::

it’s so good to take time every so often and look back. especially when were frustrated with the ways things are in the present, we can be reminded of better days, lighter moments and special memories.

so i’m sitting with friends last night over a bite to eat doing just that. we were laughing about the hilarious moments. remembering the tough times. talking about the people who have made an impact in our lives.

i suppose we were being a wee bit sentimental, because things change from time to time and don’t always feel the same but it did remind me of how gracious God has been to me in allowing me to meet so many true servants of Christ over the past few years. people who will never get publicly recognised or audibly acclaimed, but those who will wear many crowns in heaven, only to throw them at the feet of Jesus once again.

and yeah, there have been so many laughs and random occurrences along the way that i don’t want to ever fade from my memory. and while i don’t want to live in the past, it’s good to look back now and again…

called in with mel today when i was passing by the ymca in lurgan and she encouraged me to keep on blogging. too many bloggers falling by the wayside she reckons!!

so we shared in the frustrations of blogging. i sometimes think what’s me writing a blog actually doing for the world? suppose its hard to know if anyone actually reads this thing or if its just another thing to skim past in our fast paced world.

but fairly selfishly its one of those things that’s been good for me over the past few years. i’ve never been a diary person and so blogging has helped me to process thoughts and concepts, as well as to share them and hear other peoples insights. thanks to those of you who sharpen through your insights…

but more than writing, it’s been so good to read other people’s insights on their blogs and even join the conversation sometimes. it sometimes feels like a virtual community thing. so if your a blogger who’s fallen by the wayside recently, we miss your input and it would be great to have you back soon!!!

sarah and i were laughing loads last night at some of the funny things we did as kids, and i guess as we shared some ridiculous stories i realised that all the quirky things we got up to kinda reflect different parts of our personalities now.

maybe this sounds silly but one example came to me that i told sarah about. i played rugby at school and wasn’t ever that great at it, but i enjoyed it for a few years anyway. i wasn’t all that quick, didn’t have lots of strength and i wasn’t a renowned tackler but for some reason when i began playing i was given a fairly important role in the team. basically i played the same position as Jonny Wilkinson, Ronan O’Gara and Dan Carter. i reckon its because i was really a footballer now playing a sport with a funny shaped ball so they let me be the kicker for the team. 

anyway, i’m telling you this because i’ve realised lately that part of my personality desires to always come up with fresh and new ways of doing things. especially in church, and in communicating, and in leading worship, i have such a longing to see more creativity in how we share the bible with our children, our young people and our adults. sometimes it seems to me like we’ve only thought about the message we’re presenting, but perhaps the medium is just as important. for me routine often becomes rut and creates apathy.  so often we know what to expect in church that it causes us to switch off. and so i feel there’s such a need to be constantly freshening up how we do corporate worship. changing the order. fresh songs. different voices. creative responses. all that stuff.

so i was chatting to sarah about this and was reminded of the way i used to try and play my rugby. because i was rubbish, i had to try and be as clever as possible whenever i got the ball and i thought back to one particular incident. i was kicking the ball off for the start of the match and wanted to try something different. something that would take the opposition by surprise.

so i pretended i was left footed and everyone lined up to my right expecting the ball to be kicked towards them so they could catch it. but 1 of my team-mates stayed to the other side and i ran up and kicked it straight to him. he was free and he ran the whole way to the line. we’d scored within 20 seconds, and we even won that game, which didn’t happen very often!! very sneaky i suppose but it worked.

in the same way, as i constantly tried to be creative on the rugby pitch, i want to strive for creativity and freshness in everything i do for God.

DISCLAIMER: that is not me in the photo… 

was at manna on saturday morning and phil emerson was speaking. i love every month at manna. its good to meet with other folks in similar ministries and share together. but something in particular that phil said really struck a chord with me. maybe it’s just because of what’s going on in life at the moment but he said that as “responsibility rises, relationship suffers.”

i find that to be so true right now. as responsibility in work, or in ministry, or in church grows, it’s so difficult to continue maintaining relationships that have always come so easily and naturally. for the first time in my life it feels like a real effort to keep building on some amazing friendships that i’ve been blessed with.

but for me this is worth the effort, and recently i’ve been getting frustrated about the drifting of some of my relationships and friendships. i understand the truth of phil’s statement, but i don’t want it to be true for my life. i want to intentionally seek to keep relationships in my life strong no matter what. i never want busyness to get in the way of relationship. or programs to get in the way of people.

this ain’t easy, as i’m learning more and more each day, but some stuff requires sacrifice. in fact, some stuff is worth sacrifice.

on this note, it was great for me and sarah to hang out with 2 friends last night who we hadn’t seen in ages. a married couple who are always fun to be around, yet manage to inspire us both in our relationship and faith. i want more times like that!!

heading tomorrow to birmingham for the day for some training ahead of going to Spring Harvest in Minehead in April. it’s fantastic to be able to drink in teaching and training like this and i still count it a privilege. there are some exciting things coming up in the next few months which i feel humbled to be a part of. but in the midst of the increased responsibility, i pray that the important relationships don’t suffer.

really enjoyed church this morning, and in general at the moment actually. think i’ve spent too much time and energy in the past being frustrated with what is not yet there in church, but more and more have been coming to the realisation that its more about the community and the people rather than just the weekly service. there’s so much diversity in our church. so many people who are different to me. and i suppose that’s part of the beauty!

and so this morning was great. it was good to meet together and encourage one another in the various lives we are living and places that we are. good to sing together. good to pray together. good to be taught together. good to chat together. i left encouraged.

yeah we’ve still a long way to go to get near the place where we should be…and i’ll keep striving to move forward…but i’m enjoying the journey towards that place with some amazing people who teach me so much about this life of faith…

“…let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching.” Hebrews 10:25

was meant to be away speaking this weekend coming. was quite worried about it cos i’m due to be away 3 weekends out of the next 6 weeks and it looks like a full month or 2 ahead of me 

….but i’ve been given the gift of time as it was cancelled earlier on this week…

part of me was gutted as this was a group i really wanted to be with and share with…and the leader was devastated about having to cancel. so the heart bit of me was sad, but i guess my head knew that this was a good thing for me personally.

and so here i stand on thursday evening with absolutely zero plans for the weekend ahead. that’s refreshing and exciting. so i look forward to a meal out, watching my mate play a big football match, some time on my own at a coffee shop, sport on tv, reading, listening, thinking, chilling and laughing…

as a fan, i’ve always loved players who run towards the crowd and kiss their badge. i’m a sucker for it and always found myself loving those players more than the rest. jorg albertz, aaron hughes and robbie keane to name just a few!!

and i guess in church stuff over the years, i’ve always found myself more drawn to those people who wear their hearts on their sleeves abit more than most. those people i’ve described as the passionate ones! perhaps, even arrogantly describing myself as more passionate than other folks in my church or area.

but more recently, i’ve been coming to an awareness that passion isn’t always an outward emotion. instead it’s a heart attitude. something that’s sometimes displayed on the outside, but at other times not. something that is seen through our whole lives. and i’ve also been realising that i’m so much less passionate than other folks in my church or area.

it’s been refreshing and eye opening to chat to folks recently who have a deep passion for God to move in their church or in their situations. most of these folks aren’t heart on your sleeve type people but i’ve always left desiring more of their passion to be evident in my life. it’s been a humbling experience.

to be honest, it’s been a tough enough road in church over the past few months. but in the midst of struggles, disagreements and hurt, i’ve continued to see passion in the lives and in the hearts of many people who inspire me to greatness for God. sometimes i’ll want to show this by wearing my heart on my sleeve. but all the time i want this passion to be shown in how i deal with people, in how i speak to friends, in how i pray alone and in my hidden desires.

i suppose it’s a bit like Roy Keane. as a player he was ferocious, like an animal on the pitch. kissing the badge. crazy tackles. he gave everything for his team and was described as a passionate player.

now as a manager there’s none of the heart on sleeve stuff from Keane. but there is still a deep passion to succeed, i guess it’s just shown in different ways.

that’s not to say that i don’t still love seeing people’s hearts displayed through their emotions. but i guess it’s just acknowledging that passion means much more than what i see. may our passions pervade our whole lives…